Horoscopes for July 2011

Ahhhh… the mists clear and the spirits join us once again. And it looks like they’ve got predictions aplenty! But will there be any truth in the words they bring? There’s only one way to find out…

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 20
A mysterious stranger could upset your plans this month, so avoid mysterious strangers if you don’t want this to happen!
Lucky directions: First left

Taurus Apr 21 - May 21
A cheaply constructed pair of platform shoes could spell your downfall this month! Although that really should have been obvious!
Lucky directions: Second right

Gemini May 22 - Jun 22
Now’s a good time to buy a new hat stand if you’ve been thinking of buying a new hat stand. But if you haven’t, then don’t bother!
Lucky directions: Straight ahead

Cancer Jun 23 - Jul 23
Sleep will play an important part in your life this month, so remember to get some! I recommend night time for this particular activity!
Lucky directions: Left, then right

Leo Jul 24 - Aug 23
A mysterious stranger could bring you love and fortune this month! Unless it’s the same one I told Aires about! See above for details!
Lucky directions: Third right, then left

Virgo Aug 24 - Sep 23
A meticulously planned romantic night out could go disastrously wrong this month! Especially if you don’t have a date! Remember this!
Lucky directions: Left, then left again

Libra Sep 24 - Oct 23
Avoid clichéd sayings like the plague if you want to get through this month unscathed! Woops! I’ve done it again, haven’t I?
Lucky directions: Up the hill and turn right

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 22
Taking a break every now and again is a good idea! Taking a break all the time isn’t - that’s just lazy! Remember this distinction!
Lucky directions: Right, then left, then right again

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21
Pretending to be someone you’re not is seldom a good idea, unless you’re an actor that is! In which case, go for it!
Lucky directions: Left, then right, then left again

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 20
Buying a loved one a surprise gift is indeed a romantic gesture. Just don’t use their credit card to pay for it! You have been warned!
Lucky directions: Down the hill and turn left

Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19
A truly unbelievable offer will come your way this month! Adjust your spam filter now to avoid it! Trust me on this!
Lucky directions: Fourth right, then fifth left

Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20
A horoscope prediction read on a kawaii blog will have absolutely no effect whatsoever on your life this month!
Lucky directions: Right and straight ahead

Ahhhh… the mists return and the spirits take their leave once more. But did they get it right? I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see, wont we? Until we meet again dear readers,
Mystic Mascot :)