Please, please, please help me! I’m a 12 year old with a big problem that needs fixing. She’s called Rebecca, and she’s my 15 year old sister! You see, because of my age, my parents won’t let me go trick or treating without her - they reckon it’s too dangerous, or some such nonsense! Anyway, the problem I’ve got is with the costumes we’re planning to wear. I want us to dress up as ghosts - a classic Halloween costume choice, as I’m sure you’ll agree. But all my sister keeps going on about is vampires, vampires, vampires! She reckons she’s read some soppy girly books about them or something, and that vampires are really “on trend”, whatever that means, and worse still “soooo romantic” - I mean honestly, what’s romantic got to do with Halloween? It’s now reached the point where she’s refusing to take me trick or treating unless we both dress up as vampires! I’ve tried everything I can think of to show my misguided sibling the error of her ways, but she just won’t listen to reason! Please help me deal with this incorrigible doofus!
Yours sincerely, Jake Torrington.
Jake, you’ve come to the right mascot! Not only am I the go to guy for all things ghostly, but I’m also pretty adept at dealing with incorrigible doofuses! Well, you have to be when you work with the Ed Mascot :) So here’s my top 5 reasons why ghosts are better than vampires…
1. Popularity! The emergence and appeal of ghosts predates that of vampires by millennia. If your sister is indeed worried about being “on trend”, perhaps she should stick to a tried and tested winner!
2. Diversity! Ghosts come in all shapes and sizes, making them perfect for anyone to imitate! Vampires come in one shape only - skinny! Does your sister really want to endorse such shallow supernatural snobbery?
3. Sociability! Ghosts are much more social than vampires. For example… you politely invite a ghost and a vampire to a garlic festival in a local church at midday in the height of summer. Which one doesn’t turn up?
4. Biodiversity! Having no need for cars, planes, or even electricity, ghosts are the obvious choice for the environmentally conscious times we live in. The same cannot be said of the all too corporeal blood sucker! Save the whale!
5. Simplicity! Dressing up as a ghost requires only two things - a sheet and some scissors! Dressing up as a vampire however will require the procurement of fangs, blood, designer clothes, a Volvo S60 R, and about 14 litres of glo-glitter! Well, it will if your sister has anything to do with it!
So there you go Jake, my top five reasons why ghosts are better than vampires. And if that’s not enough to show your sister the light, then this surely will…
See? Even when ghosts are being busted, they still manage to have a fun time! And try finding a vampire with a theme tune as catchy as that!