I was going to start this email by introducing myself, but now I’m starting to wonder if such formalities are necessary under the circumstances. You see I recently suffered from a bout of “missing time” and I’m starting to think that you may have been involved. It happened last Friday night when I went to the pub. I remember going in to the pub, drinking copious amounts of cheap lager, and then… nothing! The next thing I knew it was Saturday morning and I had the mother and father of all headaches! Puzzled by such an unexplainable event, a friend suggested I try the logical step of hypnotic regression to recover my lost memories. And so I did. Well, you can imagine my surprise when, under my highly suggestible hypnotic state, I drew this…
Look familiar? Now… I’m not normally the sort of person to point the finger of blame but, given the wealth of wholly indisputable scientific evidence behind me, not to mention the fact of there being no other reasonable explanation whatsoever for my missing time, I put it to you that you abducted me. And, as my abductor, I think I have the right to ask of you some questions. First and foremost of which is… do you know what I did with my watch? I’m pretty sure I had it on when I went in to the pub, but I haven’t seen it since!
Yours sincerely, Davey “The Davester” Davidson.
Sorry to disappoint you Davey, but I’m afraid it wasn’t me that abducted you. In fact, I think there’s a very distinct possibility that you weren’t abducted at all! Having said that, I may still be able to help you with your watch. Have you looked down the back of the couch? Because according to 99.9% of stand-up comedians that’s where these things usually end up! And that statistic, my friend, really is an indisputable scientific fact!