Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Kids Today!

Ask a Mascot

Dear Senior Mascot,

Please, please, please help me! I’m an 8 year old boy with a big problem - two big problems actually! They’re called mum and dad! Don’t get me wrong, I love them and all, but they just won’t let me do anything fun for fear of it being dangerous - and believe me, these couple of jokers see danger everywhere! I’ve spoken to my friends about it, on one of the rare occasions I was allowed to play outside without my SWAT team escort and GPS tracker, and they’ve said they’re all in the same boat! It seems parents everywhere are obsessed with keeping their kids ‘safe’ by keeping us locked up indoors 24/7. It’s driving me mad! I’ll be 9 next month and I haven’t even had my first black eye yet, let alone a concussion or broken bone! As a proud member of the older generation I though you might be able to talk some sense into these misguided fools of parents we have these days and extol the virtues of an adventurous and risk filled childhood!

Thanking you in advance,
Mark Masterson.

Senior Mascot replies...

Young man, I would be happy to help. For too long now this once proud nation has stood idly by as the adventurous needs of its children have been abandoned to satisfy the self righteous wants of their parents. Well… that stops right here! My childhood was filled with all manner of bumps, scrapes, bruises and breaks and I turned out just fine. I’ve even got a moustache and everything! So here’s my top 5 reasons why adventurous outdoor childhoods are the only ones worth having…

1. Education! To become a well rounded, upstanding, productive member of society a child needs a balanced education. Falling down a hill will teach them the importance of this balance - in more ways than one!

2. Environment! Resources are finite folks, and using a TV, games console, or computer as a babysitter isn’t helping! With the exception of reading this blog, obviously :)

3. Percentages! 99.9999999% of the world we live in is situated outdoors. 0.0000001% is indoors. As the yanks are so fond of saying - you do the math!

4. Health! Inactivity is a major contributor to obesity. And being a Level 100 Knight Mage Warlock is hardly a fitting trade off! Not if you want to get a girlfriend anyway!

5. Fun! Above all else children need to have fun, and what could be more fun than a nice spot of tree climbing followed by a leisurely trip to casualty! Ahhh… the joys of youth!

So Mark, there you go. And if any parents reading this would like further information about how to stop making their child’s life a misery, take a look at this for a perfect gift idea that doesn’t involve a spirit crushing LCD screen…


Marvelous! And didn’t little Snubby look just swell in his suit and tie! Although I wouldn’t mind having a word with his parents about their child naming decisions! I mean seriously, Snubby? What would they have named a girl? Peaches Honeyblossom? Simply ludicrous!

Proving there’s still life in the old dog,
Senior Mascot :)

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