I was hoping you could help settle a long running family argument. Both my parents and myself are big fans of Halloween and as such always look forward to this time of year. Unfortunately however we can never see eye to eye with regards to who is the best monster/ghoul. Mum swears that ghosts are best, and Dad reckons you can’t beat a zombie. I personally favour the mummy (the creature that is, not my parent!) but, despite our best efforts, we have never been able to resolve this issue conclusively.
I know as a kid I’m supposed to respect and follow the advice of grown ups, but on this occasion I know I am the one who is right! Ghosts can’t touch anything, and zombies are just plain smelly. Ergo mummies are definitely the best monsters! Please help me prove this to my parents so I can have an argument free Halloween!
Yours hopefully, Jake Saunders.
Ahhh Jake, you are wise beyond your years. Mummies are indeed the greatest monsters, and your parents are indeed fools! Here’s my Top 5 reasons why mummies will always triumph…
1. Practicality! With bandages always at hand mummies never need to worry about cutting themselves when shaving!
2. Resilience! Mummies can happily survive in scorching deserts and frozen ice fields alike. Kinda like a musty Bear Grylls!
3. Stealth! Mummies are experts in the art of camouflage and can blend in anywhere. Museums, hospitals, fancy dress parties, you name it…
4. Cheap transit! With no water content mummies hardly weigh anything. Posting a zombie on the other hand costs a fortune!
5. Allergy free! Mummies are accustomed to dust, so you don’t need to hoover when one’s coming over for dinner!
And if that’s not proof enough for your misguided parents, then show them this. It’s Bobby McFadden and Rod McKuen performing The Mummy with some super cool animation by Dave Hasbrouck…
Bet you never new mummies were great dancers too, huh? Enjoy your argument free Halloween Jake and don’t hesitate for a second if you need help with those pesky parents again, as I’m also really good at curses!