Saturday, August 1, 2009

Horoscopes for August 2009

written by Mystic Mascot

Ahhhh… the mists are clearing once again. Your futures appear before me like a welcome and trusted friend… or something like that. Basically I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen to you in the next month, so listen up…

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 20
A work colleague will gleefully tell you all about their summer holiday. Practice smiling and nodding to survive this ordeal!
Lucky hat: Fez

Taurus Apr 21 - May 21
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A bottle of cider a day however… not so much! Best remember this to avoid embarrassment!
Lucky hat: Deerstalker

Gemini May 22 - Jun 22
Confusion and misunderstandings are rife this month. Be sure to plan everything meticulously if you want to survive!
Lucky hat: Thinking Cap

Cancer Jun 23 - Jul 23
A spot of impulsive D.I.Y. will result in a hefty repair bill. Best not to bother and save yourself some cash.
Lucky hat: Hardhat

Leo Jul 24 - Aug 23
Food will play an important part in your life this month, so remember to eat some! I suggest three times a day, everyday!
Lucky hat: Fedora

Virgo Aug 24 - Sep 23
Planning ahead will go disastrously wrong for you this month, despite your best efforts. Try plotting instead!
Lucky hat: Beret

Libra Sep 24 - Oct 23
Avoid reading horoscopes this month if you want to survive unscathed… WOOPS! Looks like four weeks bad luck for you!
Lucky hat: N/A

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 22
A severe bout of clumsiness is headed your way this month and, unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to stop it! Sorry!
Lucky hat: Crash Helmet

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21
A chronically clumsy individual will wreak havoc in your house. Avoid Scorpions wearing crash helmets and you should be fine.
Lucky hat: Baseball Cap

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 20
An impulsive purchase on a shopping trip will turn out to be a fashion disaster. Remember to keep all your receipts!
Lucky hat: Trilby

Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19
A culinary experiment has the potential to end in tears. Avoid excessive use of onions and you should be OK.
Lucky hat: Bobble Hat

Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20
Great news! At long last something will actually happen in your life this month! Bad news! I’ve no idea what it is! Sorry!
Lucky hat: Pork Pie

Ahhhh… the mists return and the trusted friend departs. Basically I’m off is what I’m trying to say. See you all again next month,
Mystic Mascot :)

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