Horoscopes for July 2009

Ahhhh… the mists clear and the paths reveal themselves. Your fates are once again in my hands. Take heed and listen to my words of wisdom if you want to survive the next four weeks, and remember… I am never wrong…

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 20
An unwanted invite to an unappealing event will present itself to you this month. Start thinking of excuses now!
Lucky colour: Brown

Taurus Apr 21 - May 21
A vacant looking man will stare at you in a supermarket queue. Mildly unnerving, but you’ll get over it.
Lucky colour: Light Blue

Gemini May 22 - Jun 22
A sporting event will cause your favourite TV show to be postponed. I’m getting the name… Wimbledon!
Lucky colour: Dusty Orange

Cancer Jun 23 - Jul 23
Great news! A holiday in the sun will lead to a lifelong romance. Not such great news for your current partner, obviously!
Lucky colour: Sunburnt Red

Leo Jul 24 - Aug 23
An impulsive menu choice will lead to hefty dry cleaning bill! Stick to what you like and you should be fine!
Lucky colour: Salmon Pink

Virgo Aug 24 - Sep 23
A trip to the hairdressers will go disastrously wrong. Now’s a good time to buy a crash helmet!
Lucky colour: Anything but Platinum Blonde

Libra Sep 24 - Oct 23
A trip to a casino will have life changing consequences! Be prepared to tighten your belt for the foreseeable future!
Lucky colour: Musty Beige

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 22
A new pair of shoes will quickly lead to a new pair of blisters! Buying some plasters would be a good idea!
Lucky colour: Mouldy Green

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21
Squalor, filth, and disappointment are rife this month. Avoid music festivals and you should survive unscathed!
Lucky colour: Sunshine Yellow

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 20
A case of mistaken identity will have hilarious results, though sadly not for you! Best make yourself a name badge!
Lucky colour: Rusty Copper

Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19
A slip of the tongue will cause you great embarrassment! Probably best if you don’t say anything for the next four weeks!
Lucky colour: Tarnished Silver

Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20
Once again life’s fortunes will pass you by this month. But never mind, I’m sure something will happen in August!
Lucky colour: N/A

Ahhhh… the mists return and the paths recede for another month. I bid you farewell and wish you good fortune until we meet again,
Mystic Mascot :)